Okay, God, I am Listening!
Have you ever had the feeling that God is speaking to you, nudging you, waiting for you to listen? I had that feeling recently and I am finally listening. As a reader and writer, I believe God speaks to me through the written word. He shoves articles and books in my path and after a bit of elbowing, I finally get the message. My ‘Aha moment’ came after reading a recent opinion piece in the New York Times written by David Brooks (NYT The Essential Skills for Being Human 10.22.23). Love him or hate him, he always writes thought-provoking articles.
This article was about his upcoming book How to Know a Person: The Art of Seeing Others Deeply and Being Deeply Seen (Oct 24, 2023). I am not giving Brooks all the credit; I must acknowledge the video series I have been watching at Dinner with Deacon Deb called Everybody Always with Bob Goff and two of the books I am reading for ASG: No Cure for Being Human by Kate Bowler and A Bigger Table: Building Messy, Authentic, and Hopeful Spiritual Community by John Pavolitz, which have similar messages. As I said, God was poking me, prodding me and finally hitting me over the head to make me listen to his or her message.
Just to be clear, I am not mentioning these books because I am the Adult Spiritual Growth facilitator, although it does seem like a lovely way to pitch the classes. No, I am reaching out as a church member and fellow human who was not listening to God, but now I am, or at least I am trying. Each of these books and videos vary in their delivery; however, the message is astonishingly similar so I will focus on David Brooks who identifies we mere mortals as either “Diminishers” or “Illuminators.” According to Brooks, Diminishers are those people who “are so into themselves, they make others feel insignificant. They stereotype and label. If they learn one thing about you, they proceed to make a series of assumptions about who you must be.”
Brooks describes an Illuminator as someone with a “personal curiosity about other people. They have been trained or have trained themselves in the craft of understanding others. They know how to ask the right questions at the right times – so that they can see things, at least a bit, from another’s point of view. They shine their brightness of their care on people and make them feel bigger, respected, lit up.”
Okay, it probably seems obvious that I want to be an Illuminator. So, Brooks is kind enough to provide these Illuminator skills one should possess:
· The gift of attention: A person who radiates warmth will bring out the glowing sides of the people you meet.
· Accompaniment: We need to abandon the efficiency mindset and take our time to simply delight in another’s way of being (plug for Advent series: The Gift of Being Present)
· The art of conversation: If you want to know how the people around you see the world, you must ask them.
1. Be a loud listener – As Deacon Deb reminds us, there is a reason why God gave us two ears and only one mouth.
2. Storify whenever possible – Ask a leading question that will allow people to tell a story.
3. Do the looping, especially with adolescents – Don’t be afraid to repeat something someone told you to be sure you got it right (looping).
4. Turn your conversation partner into a narrator – Ask follow-up questions.
5. Don’t be a topper – Forget the “I know just what you mean” reply that shifts the conversation back to yourself
· Big questions: The quality of your conversations may depend on the quality of your questions. Think about it.
· Stand in their standpoint: Rather than concentrating on the differences between people, try to stand in the other person’s standpoint and understand how the world looks to them.
Thank you God…..message received.
Eileen M Brogan