The Art of Truly Seeing One Another

I don’t know about you, but lately, I’ve felt a growing need to focus on strengthening my relationships — both with those I know well and with those whose views may differ from mine. In a time when polarization seems to be driving wedges between friends, family members, and our broader communities, I find myself wondering: How can I have thoughtful, loving conversations that reflect Christian values without deepening the divide?

I’ve heard this from others I speak with: “How can I have a conversation that is more than superficial with those who see things much differently than me?” These questions weigh heavily on many of us, which is why I was especially grateful for the recent Susanna Circle discussion on building deeper connections.

At that gathering, Lee McGivney led a powerful conversation based on David Brooks’ book, How to Know a Person: The Art of Seeing Deeply and Being Seen Deeply. The discussion focused on the idea that true connection comes not from surface-level interactions but from cultivating the ability to truly see and understand one another. Brooks’ insights challenge us to become better listeners, to ask thoughtful questions, and to create space where others feel valued and heard.

One key takeaway from the conversation was the importance of intentional presence. Too often, we rush through conversations, thinking about what we’ll say next or allowing distractions to pull us away from authentic engagement. Brooks encourages us to slow down, approach others with curiosity, and listen with empathy. When we take time to ask, “What’s it like to be you?” — and genuinely care about the answer — we open the door to deeper understanding and stronger relationships.

Our Susanna Circle discussion also explored how being seen deeply is just as vital as seeing others. Brooks reminds us that feeling known — truly known — is a fundamental human need. In a world where people often feel invisible or misunderstood, offering someone the gift of being fully seen can be transformative. By showing up with compassion and authenticity, we create spaces where people feel safe to share their struggles, hopes, and fears.

As we reflected on Brooks’ message, we were reminded that this practice aligns beautifully with our faith. Jesus modeled this kind of presence — noticing those overlooked by society, listening deeply, and offering love without condition.

Perhaps this is how we begin to bridge the divides that weigh so heavily on our hearts — by choosing to see others deeply, even when their views differ from our own. When we approach conversations with patience, curiosity, and empathy, we reflect the love of Christ. May we commit ourselves to these kinds of interactions, building stronger relationships and discovering the common ground that exists when we truly see one another.

-Deacon Deb Clifford